


This Man Saved My Life

by goldenrose95



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2019!Dan and Phil, Established Relationship, Fluff, How do tags even work, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Songfic, a tiny bit of angst, how do you people tag without giving spoilers, send help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 22:21:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4763171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenrose95/pseuds/goldenrose95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 10 years since Dan and Phil met, and Dan makes a video with Phil for the special occasion. The two go through a number of memories, good and bad, and at the end, Dan chooses to tell Phil something special.<br/>Songfic based on This Song Saved My Life by Simple Plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Man Saved My Life

**Author's Note:**

> First phanfic! I hope you guys like it! (/^_^)/  
> Songfic based on "This Song Saved My Life" by Simple Plan. Because who hasn't listened to this song without thinking about Dan and Phil, not just about what they did for us, but what they did for each other?   
> I'd recommend putting that song on forever repeat while you read.  
> One line removed because for my life I could not think of what to write.  
> Shoutout to beta readers SherlockIsaGirlsName2898 and jolly6795. This wouldn't be on here if it wasn't for you guys :)

A thousand questions hovered over Dan’s head as he paced in his room, going over every single way this could go wrong. It took him almost weeks of convincing himself that he could do this, but even now, when he was literally a minute from actually doing it, he wasn’t sure that he could. For the thousandth time, he told himself it was now or never and turned on the camera.

 

_I wanna start by letting you know this_

_Because of you, my life has a purpose_

“Phil, I’m gonna start filming in a minute!”

“Okay, I’m coming,” came the reply, and a second later Phil came bouncing into the room.

“Woah,” Phil said, closing the door behind him. Dan had brought a whole bunch of seemingly random items, most of them wrapped up or in boxes, and laid them all over his bed.

“Is this why you wanted to borrow my lion?” Phil asked, picking the plushie up.

“Yeah, hurry up and get over here,” Dan said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as nervous as he felt.

“But I don’t even know what we’re filming,” Phil said as he sat down on his side of the bed.

“It’s okay, that’s the point. Ready? The camera’s already on.”

Phil shrugged with a smile and they both turned to face the camera.

 

_You helped me be who I am today_

_I see myself in every word you say_

“Hello, internet,” Dan began with his usual hand gesture. “Today I’m joined by my very special friend-”

“Hey guys!”

“For a very special video. Phil, do you know what day it is today?”

Dan turned towards Phil, who had a genuinely confused look on his face.

“Um, Friday?”

He then proceeded to sing Rebecca Black’s “Friday” while Dan shot him an are-you-actually-serious look.

“No, Phil, seriously stop. Hashtag stop Phil 2019.

“As I was saying,” Dan said, smiling at the camera and feeling a bit less nervous. Being with Phil always had a calming effect on him. “Today’s a very special day, because ten years ago this day...” He turned to look at Phil again. His eyes, the perfect shade of blue laced with green and speckled with yellow, glowed with the innocent enthusiasm that he always loved about Phil. He loved everything about Phil.

Dan shook himself out of this train of thoughts and tried to remember what he was talking about.

“Ten years ago today,” he said. “Phil and I met for the first time irl.”

“ _Ten years?”_ Phil, who had been looking at the camera, turned towards Dan with his eyes open wide. “Has it really been ten years?”

“Yeah, who knew two random British guys would come this far, right?” Dan said with a sarcastic laugh. “No but seriously, I felt like this day deserved something special, so if you can see behind me-” Dan moved slightly over to show the camera the rest of the bed. Phil did the same. “I have gathered some things to show us the journey Phil and I had together. So if Phil can pick a random item, we’ll see what crazy things we’ve been through.”

Phil let out an understanding “Ooooooh.”

“So that’s what this is about. Wouldn’t this all be horribly out of order though?” Phil said, already looking over the items scattered around the bed. There weren’t that many, but Phil looked over all of them with eager eyes.

 

_Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me_

_Trapped in a world where everyone hates me_

“Okay, I don’t want to sound narcissistic or anything, but I think I’ll have to choose the lion as the first one,” Phil finally said, picking up the plushie and pressing it close to his face. Only his eyes were visible behind the lion’s mane, and Dan felt a horrible urge to swat the doll aside and kiss him.

Oh for fuck's sake, get it together Dan.

“That’s great, actually,” Dan said, trying to remind himself to look into the camera. “Because that represents you, Phil, and your first videos. It was back when I just knew you as Amazingphil and I was just a nobody watching other youtubers’ videos.”

“You’re not a nobody,” Phil said, cutting off Dan’s train of thought. Dan blinked, his next words completely forgotten.

“No, I mean, back then when nobody knew me...”

“That still doesn’t make you a nobody, Dan."

Phil pulled the plushie down from his face, his face dead serious because Dan just called himself a nobody. Dan couldn’t stop himself - he leaned forward and kissed Phil.

“Thanks for not making me a nobody,” Dan murmured, their lips still touching.

“You were never a nobody,” Phil whispered, and he pulled in Dan's face and kissed him again. For a split second Dan forgot about the camera, about this video he was supposedly making, about everything else. He just had Phil, who loved him with all his life and whom he loved back with all of his. Dan could never forget why he loved Phil. He never gave him the chance.

“I might edit this out,” Dan said as they parted, and Phil jumped and stared at the camera as if he just realized that it was there. Dan smiled, gave Phil another light kiss, then went back to his side of the bed.

 

_There’s so much that I’m going through_

_I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you_

“Okay. Choose another one, Phil,” Dan said. Phil hovered over a few of the boxes.

“Did you really go through the trouble of wrapping all this?”

“Obviously.”

“Okay, let’s start with the smaller stuff,” Phil said, picking up a small rectangular box. He opened it and took out an old camera.

“Oh that,” Dan laughed. “That’s for the first video I made. I didn’t film it with that, but since I threw away the laptop I actually used, I just got one of my old cameras. I...” Dan put a hand to his forehead with a grimace, feeling the cringe attacks coming on. Phil laughed. “Yeah I only included that because I wanted to point out that it was Phil who talked me into making my first video. This was back in the days when youtubers didn’t really get the respect they do today, so Phil was really like 90 percent of the encouragement I got.”

Phil laughed again and began to tell the camera a story of how Dan freaked out in his first video and Dan laughed along, mentally slapping himself to stop the cringe attacks and the urge to kiss Phil again.

 

_Sometimes I feel like you’ve known me forever_

_You always know how to make me feel better_

“Wait, what is this?” Phil said, picking up a photo lying upside down. He turned it over, laughed, then showed it to the camera. “It’s a photo of our first day at BBC!”

“We obviously couldn’t leave out the radio show,” Dan said. “For those of you that didn’t know, Phil and I have a radio show at BBC 1. It's an amazing experience, we made so much memories, and did so many things that we never would have even dreamed of.”

“It's really, really fun.”

“Yeah, but remember that one time when you were at a family trip and I had to do most of the show alone?” Dan turned from the camera and looked directly at Phil.

“Yeah.”

“I still remember that time, because when I had to do it alone, it felt so weird. Like I wasn’t... complete. You know how I always joke about how we’re always together everywhere, but I think by that point, we were together for so long that it felt... wrong to be there without you.”

“Aw,” Phil said with a sweet smile. “Do you need a hug, Dan?”

“No, I don’t-” But Phil leaned forward (“Phil-”) and wrapped his arms around Dan anyway. Dan gave an annoyed half-smile of defeat to the camera.

“But seriously,” he whispered in Phil’s ear. “Don’t ever do that to me again.” Phil giggled and gave him a tight squeeze before letting go.

 

_You’re my escape when I’m stuck in a small town_

_I turn you up whenever I feel down_

“Okay, these two look like books,” Phil said, holding up two wrapped packages. “I have a good idea what one of them is, not sure about the other one... Here, let’s go with this one.” He chose one and clumsily ripped it open. When he cleared away enough of the wrapper to saw the title, he exclaimed, “See, I knew it!” and removed the rest of it.

“The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire, everybody!” Dan said as Phil held the book up. "I still can’t believe we wrote an actual book. Like, can you believe it?”

“And the tour, Dan! I mean, we did say we were hoping it would be a worldwide thing, but who’d have known we’d have gone to so many countries?”

“Thank you, all you loyal subscribers.”

“Yes, thanks to all of you who bought the book. And maybe are still buying it. It was really fun to write this and we honestly didn’t expect to get more than one printing. Who knows, maybe we’ll write another one!”

“Okay, I know nothing about this. Phil, what are you planning behind my back?”

“You never know.”

 

_You let me know like no one else_

_That it’s okay to be myself_

“Okay, time for this one,” Phil said, picking up the other book-looking package. He unwrapped it while Dan stifled a laugh, which burst out when Phil opened it and cried, “Oh my god!” It was a large book apparently made through almost hundreds of their fans’ collaboration. It was entitled “Phan” and was filled with pictures of him and Phil throughout their years. Some of them were screenshots of their earlier videos, others pictures from facebook or instagram, but in all pictures they were together, one staring at the other, hugging, some of them even with subtitles of times when either of them dropped “phan proofs”, such as the time Dan admitted that he was Philtrash #1. The photos were arranged in chronological order, and the last page was a single photo of them kissing with a banner beneath it reading “CONFIRMED!”

“This has definitely got to be the best gift you guys have ever given us,” Dan said. He took a side of the book while Phil held up the other to show the camera. “I know we already showed you this when we first got it, but I brought it back because I could think of no better symbol for the time we started dating.”

“Yes, you guys were very supportive and Dan and I are so thankful for all your love.”

“Except for all of you that unsubscribed.”

Dan put on a mock serious face and Phil laughed. Dan was so glad that this became something they could laugh off now. When they began dating years ago, they decided to keep it a secret for a while for fear of the angry homophobic internet mob. Being public on the internet for years taught Dan just how easily anonymous hate could hurt someone, and he wanted to shield both of them for as long as possible.

It was only two years ago that they revealed their relationship status and their twitter, tumblr, facebook, and pretty much every website they were on were immediately bombarded with unsubscribing, unfollowing fans and hate. But there were fans that remained, and, most importantly, Phil. For months after their big reveal, Dan had several moments when he wanted to break down and run away. But Phil was there, holding him up and bringing him back every time he started regretting their decision. And that was all he needed.

 

_I was broken_

_I was choking_

_I was lost_

_This song saved my life_

“Hey, Dan,” Phil said, reaching across the bed. “Is the laptop part of the things?”

Oh shit.

There were still a few more things he prepared, like their first time at Vidcon or the time they hit 10 million subscribers, but he guessed this was it. All his confidence suddenly evaporated, and Dan fought hard to keep a straight face.

“It is, actually,” Dan said, ignoring the camera and looking straight at Phil. “It’s supposed to represent our first skype call.”

Phil’s expression melted into his puppy-dog face as he let out an “awwww.”

“Yes,” Phil said. “Definitely one of the most important days of my life. I mean, can you believe that we might have never met? What kind of a life would that have been?”

“I... don’t know,” Dan said, and he felt something in his chest, like a dull burn that didn’t hurt but reminded him of a long-closed wound. “Because if it wasn’t for you, and if it wasn’t for that call... I might not be alive right now.”

 

_I was bleeding_

_Stopped believing_

_Could have died_

_This song saved my life_

Phil stared at him with what Dan knew was fear and alarm in his eyes. He never explicitly talked to Phil about his pre-Phil years, not just because he didn’t feel the need to, but because he didn’t want to dig those memories back up.

“Dan you... We never talked about this before.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. But I couldn’t find a way to bring it up. And I thought it was about time, because I think you deserve to know.

“I told you I was bullied a lot, right?” Phil nodded. “Well, it got worse as the years went on, and the friends I did have, they... We’ll say they didn’t exactly understand me very well. I had nobody I could talk to and I was just so alone, and one day, crazy thoughts started entering my head. The stress was piling up and I couldn’t bear it, and I thought that maybe it would all be over if I just killed myself. I even started making plans. There was this tall building about fifteen minutes from my house, and I was going to throw myself down. But a few days before the date I decided was a good day to go ahead with the plan, something happened.”

“What?”

“You messaged me back for the first time.”

 

_I was down_

_I was drowning_

_But it came on just in time_

_This song saved my life_

“You don’t understand what that little message meant to me,” Dan said, his voice stretched tight. “When I started to talk to you, it was like a completely new world just opened up to me. No, I did not jump down that building when the day arrived, and yes, the thoughts sometimes came and went, but the more I talked to you, the less I thought about them, and it was amazing because someone finally understood me. Then we skyped for the first time, and you know what was the last thing you told me before we hung up?”

“No... I don’t... think I do...”

Phil was looking at Dan with every ounce of his concentration, and Dan fought hard to hold his gaze.

“You told me, ‘I’m so glad I made a friend like you.’ And you have no idea what that did to me.” Dan wasn’t crying; these memories were a decade old, and they didn’t tear him apart the way they used to. But that didn’t mean they didn’t hurt.

“Because to me, you were the best and the most amazing person in the world, and when you told me you actually liked me as a person and a friend, I just literally freaked out. Remember how I literally asked you the next day if we could skype again? It was because of that. And when you said yes, I was so happy and I hadn’t been that happy for years. After our second skype call I realized that I just spent an entire day without thinking about plummeting down that building. You literally saved my life, Phil.”

 

_You’ll never know what it means to me_

_That I’m not alone, that I’ll never have to be_

“Then we met for the first time and I moved in with you and we started making videos together and I’d never been happier but then I started getting scared because I thought one day you might leave me because I wasn’t good enough for you.” Dan realized he was rambling, but the tears were finally coming in and he had to fight just to keep them in.

“Because back then I hated everything about myself but you treated me like I actually meant something and I didn’t know what to do without you. Every existential crisis I go through always ends up being questions like what if you leave me? What if something goes wrong and I never see you again? It got a bit better after you asked me to date you because I finally got to know that you love me back but I still get those thoughts sometimes and it reminds me of what it’s like to live without you and I never want to go through that again.”

A tear finally burst through and Dan put his face in his hands, sobbing. He felt Phil’s arms come around him and he clung onto his boyfriend, burying his teary face in his shoulder. He remembered how those thoughts burned him through and through when Phil wasn’t there to reassure him that he did still love him. That was his greatest fear. That was his existential crisis.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into Phil’s shirt, his voice choked with tears. He sat up and roughly wiped his face with his hands, trying to smile for Phil. He realized that Phil’s eyes were filling up as well.

“I just...” Dan stopped, took a deep breath, and continued. “I just don’t want to be alone. I don’t ever want to be without you.”

“I’m never gonna leave you, Dan,” Phil said softly, his hands still on Dan’s shoulders. Dan smiled through the tears that still veiled his vision. He knew. That was why he was doing this.

“I know. But I just want to ask you one thing.”

Before Phil could ask any questions, Dan got up from the bed and took a small box from his pocket. He got down on one knee in front of the bed and opened the box, revealing a simple silver band. Dan took another deep breath, stared into those surprised blue eyes, and said, “Phil, will you marry me?”

 

_I was broken_

_I was choking_

_I was lost_

_This song saved my life_

Phil stared at him just long enough for Dan to wonder if he had done anything wrong. Then he  pretty much flew on top of him, tackling him to the floor in a hug.

“You twat!” Phil shouted, smiling with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Was that what this was about? You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“I wanted it to be special,” Dan said with a smile, not caring how lame he was sounding at the moment. Phil held Dan’s face in his hands and kissed him.

“So that’s a yes, right?” Dan asked when they parted.

“Yes,” Phil whispered, their foreheads still touching. “Yes yes yes a hundred times yes.” He kissed Dan again.

“Okay, okay,” Dan said with a laugh. “Get up so I can put that ring on you.”

Phil did, but the ring had flown out of the box in the tackle and the next ten frenzied minutes were spent in turning the room upside down until Phil found it had rolled under the bed.

 

_I was bleeding_

_Stopped believing_

_Could have died_

_This song saved my life_

“That was way too close to ruining everything,” Dan said.

“Wait, so do I put this on now?” Phil said, rolling the ring around his palm, and Dan laughed. Jesus, he was engaged to the biggest dork in the world.

Engaged.

Jesus Christ, he was engaged to Phil.

“No, you spork. Give that to me,” he said, taking the ring from Phil. He took Phil’s left hand in his other hand and held his breath as he slid the engagement band onto Phil’s ring finger. When he could finally breathe again, he looked up and saw Phil’s eyes, where a little tear still remained. Dan put his arms around Phil, who did the same. Dan felt the black haired boy’s arms around him tighten and his head snuggle against his shoulder, and he completely relaxed, holding onto Phil like he was the most precious thing in the world. Because he was. He’d never have to be alone now, and he was sure this was the happiest moment of his life.

Dan kissed Phil’s ear and Phil giggled. Phil broke out of the hug to take Dan’s face in his hands. Dan felt those soft lips touch his and his eyes closed as Phil gently kissed him, kissing him back and allowing himself to forget about everything else this moment. Phil must have been leading him back, because his legs hit the edge of the mattress and they fell onto the bed, lips still locked. Phil’s fingers tangled his hair as he gasped for breath, and Dan was about to slip his hands under Phil’s shirt when Phil parted from him and said, “Hey, is the camera still rolling?”

Dan’s eyes snapped open and his head instinctively turned to the camera. Yes, the red light was blinking and the camera was still recording. Dan got up and turned the camera off.

 

_I was down_

_I was drowning_

_But it came on just in time_

_This song saved my life_

“I still can’t believe you proposed to me while filming,” Phil said, sitting up. “Aren’t we gonna end the video?”

“That was just an excuse to lay out all of this,” Dan said. He began to remove the books and the laptop from his bed. “I wasn't going to actually upload this video.”

“If we tell the internet, they’ll be terrorizing us for the proposal video,” Phil said, scooting closer to Dan. Dan threw the rest of the boxes down and knocked Phil back to the mattress, pinning him between his legs and cupping his face in his hands.

“We can worry about that later,” Dan said, and in those last few precious moments of privacy before they revealed the news and the internet was demanding every detail of their proposal and marriage, he drew close and kissed the man whom he could now proudly call his fiancé.

Because he could now spend the rest of his life with the man who saved him.

 

_This song saved my life..._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :D  
> I know this is earlier than 2022 but guys 10 year anniversary.  
> This was originally uploaded on my tumblr goldenrose95.  
> Please feel free to comment and give me constructive criticism! :D


End file.
